Category Archives: Men

Placing “them” in the friend zone vs. the I wanna be more than friends zone

Placing “them” in the friend zone vs. the I wanna be more than friends zone

So this morning as I lay in bed avoiding getting up the title of this little post was in my head. I have male friends that I feel I need to assure their place in the friend zone and others that I want to signal that I’m open to moving out of the friend zone 🙂

Most of my life my head has been in the books or in music (yea Violas!) or in sports (shout out to the volleyball players) so the how to interact with the male species outside of wow did you see PTI last night or how did you figure out how to do the Tatsumaki Senpūkyaku (think Street Fighter II Ken & Ryu-so had to look that up because I so said gibberish as a kid for that move. Who knew it was actual Japanese?)? I even had a friend in college who told me years later that he never approached me because I looked like I was always into my studies and not interested in dating. My reaction was whaaattt?!?!

Anyway, all that being said I have not always been good with showing signs towards men so that they understand that I just don’t want to be their friend. On the other side of this idea, because I have older brothers and I enjoy things like PTI and playing Street Fighter I get so caught up in being a guy’s friend (read: I am more confortable) that I TOTALLY miss the instances where male friends have been sending I wanna be more than friends signals until its too late and it gets real awkward.

My past experiences, lack of focus in this area, past heartbreak (lets just be real!) and ability to analyze (I am working on my PhD), has caused me to over-think in a way that I don’t act on either end. What do I mean by that? That there are friendships with men that I am missing out on because I’m afraid that they will turn on me e.g. drop the I’m into you statement or make a move on me and there are possible relationships that I could be missing out on because I’m not sure if I’m sending out the right signals or if I even know how especially as the types of people I am interested in now are nada like the young men I was interested in while in college (writing this I’m getting flashbacks right now…my best flirting lines in college always went to people I wasn’t interested and then when the guy I’m really digging approached me I was all gums :(). I’m trying to be better and actually study this (ha oh the irony in that phrase) but to be honest its hard! I find it even harder because of the shift I have had in the type of men I am now attracted to.

The status quo is just so much easier…I mean dealing with this stuff is the only thing that I would choose studying over, lol. I can do the studying thing, been doing it since I was four years old, but dealing with men and the whole friend zone or not thing…not so much. But I also know the status quo won’t get me what I want and it is causing me to miss out on good friendships and good romantic relationships.

This isn’t exactly a structured post so I’ll end here by asking: What about you? Do you think about “the friend zone”? Have you been stuck in it? How do you let a friend know that you want more than friendship? What are you dealing with when it comes to relationships friendship or romantic ones?

You have just witnessed a peak into my brain…



Posted by on 16 March 2011 in Men, Quarter Life, Relationships


The International Relations of Relationships-Immigration Law

Worker Permits

The worker permit is a program between governments that allows citizens of one nation to temporarily work in another country, many times these permits are seasonal. The work permit program is a quick boost to any nation’s economy. Many time worker permit programs are instituted between neighboring nation states or states in the same region. Colloquial terms for worker permit- talking and/or dating.


Visas vary in type and purpose. Visas are useful as they permit longer-term travel between countries for study or vacation. Visas are a good option when worker permit requirements cannot be met and/or for nations that do not have a worker permit program in general or does accept/provide permits for your region. The Friendship Zone visa is a popular visa type. Depending on category the friendship zone visa, immigrants are able to get to know a nation that they may wish to obtain residency status at a later date but are not able to pursue a worker’s permit or apply for residency at the current time. Many times the Friendship Zone visa is an alternative route or special case option towards fulfilling the requirements for residency in a nation.


Residency is the immigrant option that gives security and rights to immigrants without the commitment of citizenship. Residency rights exceed the rights under the visa or worker permit programs. Many times nations will later deny or dispute the few rights that are required by international law for visa or worker permit programs. Colloquial terms for residency- girlfriend/boyfriend, term used depends on the migrant’s sex.


Citizenship is the desire or end goal of most immigrants especially for long term visa and/or resident holders. In a few cases those in the worker permit program are given invitations to citizenship but this is a rare occurrence. In most cases citizenship to a country is by invitation only however there are cases where an immigrant’s request for citizenship is granted. There is a new international tendency to grant immigrants a common law citizenship if the immigrant has more than five years of residency status. Note: residency is NOT a requirement to achieve citizenship though is highly recommended by most migration experts. Colloquial term for citizenship- marriage.


The Shirt and Tie

Lately I have been fascinated with a man in a shirt and tie. It’s on my list of things I am a sucker for see the entry below. For me I a man in a nice tie and shirt can do it. It could be because my father was always big on a man in a shirt and tie. He always said that you go to work with your shirt and tie. Or maybe it is what this shirt and tie means…a successful man. The businessman, the president, and the preacher, anyone in a society that has power and success wears a shirt and tie to work. And looking to Latin American, the Caribbean and more specifically the Dominican Republic where I live men are walking around in full suits and its 90 degrees outside. Why?? It’s the power of a shirt and tie. The shirt and tie shows a status, shows authority and demands to be respected. And looking to a social setting it makes a woman like me swoon. Just today in my diplomado class one of the guys had this wonderful combination it was a magenta toned shirt with a pink tie oh gosh…I had to focus in class, ok so I’m sorta kinda attracted to him but still. A smart man that can dress forget about it. I used to say that there is something appealing about the clean cut guy and something appealing about the thug looking guy but more and more its all about that shirt and tie.

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Posted by on 28 April 2006 in Culture, Fashion, Men