Placing “them” in the friend zone vs. the I wanna be more than friends zone

16 Mar
Placing “them” in the friend zone vs. the I wanna be more than friends zone

So this morning as I lay in bed avoiding getting up the title of this little post was in my head. I have male friends that I feel I need to assure their place in the friend zone and others that I want to signal that I’m open to moving out of the friend zone 🙂

Most of my life my head has been in the books or in music (yea Violas!) or in sports (shout out to the volleyball players) so the how to interact with the male species outside of wow did you see PTI last night or how did you figure out how to do the Tatsumaki Senpūkyaku (think Street Fighter II Ken & Ryu-so had to look that up because I so said gibberish as a kid for that move. Who knew it was actual Japanese?)? I even had a friend in college who told me years later that he never approached me because I looked like I was always into my studies and not interested in dating. My reaction was whaaattt?!?!

Anyway, all that being said I have not always been good with showing signs towards men so that they understand that I just don’t want to be their friend. On the other side of this idea, because I have older brothers and I enjoy things like PTI and playing Street Fighter I get so caught up in being a guy’s friend (read: I am more confortable) that I TOTALLY miss the instances where male friends have been sending I wanna be more than friends signals until its too late and it gets real awkward.

My past experiences, lack of focus in this area, past heartbreak (lets just be real!) and ability to analyze (I am working on my PhD), has caused me to over-think in a way that I don’t act on either end. What do I mean by that? That there are friendships with men that I am missing out on because I’m afraid that they will turn on me e.g. drop the I’m into you statement or make a move on me and there are possible relationships that I could be missing out on because I’m not sure if I’m sending out the right signals or if I even know how especially as the types of people I am interested in now are nada like the young men I was interested in while in college (writing this I’m getting flashbacks right now…my best flirting lines in college always went to people I wasn’t interested and then when the guy I’m really digging approached me I was all gums :(). I’m trying to be better and actually study this (ha oh the irony in that phrase) but to be honest its hard! I find it even harder because of the shift I have had in the type of men I am now attracted to.

The status quo is just so much easier…I mean dealing with this stuff is the only thing that I would choose studying over, lol. I can do the studying thing, been doing it since I was four years old, but dealing with men and the whole friend zone or not thing…not so much. But I also know the status quo won’t get me what I want and it is causing me to miss out on good friendships and good romantic relationships.

This isn’t exactly a structured post so I’ll end here by asking: What about you? Do you think about “the friend zone”? Have you been stuck in it? How do you let a friend know that you want more than friendship? What are you dealing with when it comes to relationships friendship or romantic ones?

You have just witnessed a peak into my brain…



Posted by on 16 March 2011 in Men, Quarter Life, Relationships


5 responses to “Placing “them” in the friend zone vs. the I wanna be more than friends zone

  1. Stop outlining the chapters and lets go to club to meet LL Cool J

    17 March 2011 at 07:20

    You’ve got to be kidding, right? You didn’t know you gave off the “I’m really into my books” vibe in college?!

    Really, stop being coy.

    If it’s someone you’re interested in, Invite him over or out/to hang after 7pm or after dark. Video games are not to be mentioned or discussed. Nor your research or thesis or Ph.d. Unless he’s also a ph.d student (but I don’t EVEN want to talk about that). Talk about what you like to do for FUN. That means, you have to make time to do fun things (video games DO NOT count in this instance!). 🙂

    For folks you just wanna be friends with; Say that when/if they make a move. If they don’t make a move, no need. Its fine to discuss and play video games with them, try to keep it during daylight hours otherwise the boys get confused though.

    My 2 cents!

    • DNMP

      17 March 2011 at 09:15

      Ha ha ha! I love you!

      I mean I knew I gave out the vibe I just didn’t think it out shadowed my wanting to hang out with someone vibe, lol. (I’m so laughing at your reply name….good times good times).

      Thanks for commenting; You make some good points and I miss you lots! (still laughing over here)

  2. need to hit the gym

    18 March 2011 at 09:34

    Keep it simple, it’s easier for girls to date than guys, just make it easy for yourself and them by making yourself available. Suggest stopping for coffee after class, grabbing lunch, or a pastry. All you have to do is spark the idea in their head that you are available or open and let them take it the rest of the way. And as the LL commenter above said, a night event like a concert, dinner, spoken word, etc. can definitely spark the idea.


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